1.) Shadowboxing in the bathroom mirror for 25 straight minutes screaming “LET”S DO THIS!”

2.) Styling my hair with a pocket knife to promote creativity and precision.

3.) Jumping on my bed shouting, “GET PSYCHED!” at the top of my lungs.

4.) Running down the street full sprint listening to Gary Glitter’s “Rock and Roll Pt. 2 Hey!” on iPod at max volume.

5.) Shouting at the bus driver.

6.) Not waiting for my coffee to cool down.

7.) Doing 50 pushups, 50 squat thrusts and 50 faceslaps.

8.) Calling tattoo parlors to price out a “Carpe Mother Effin’ Diem” full back tat.

9.) Telling a random dog in the office he “has no idea!”

10.) Smelling a flower on someone’s desk and then taking a hearty bite out of it.

11.) Slamming bathroom doors.

12.) Weeping uncontrollable tears of joy when Counting Crows “Mr. Jones” came on the radio.

13.) Using present participles.

Watch it.

I had a job interview for a reporter position with a news wire service this afternoon. One part of the interview process was completing an on-site editorial test.

The machine I was assigned to do my write-up was a PC without Microsoft Office. As a result, I was forced to use the forgotten relic of text editing — Microsoft WordPad.

Although WordPad is not as simple and basic as its even more antiquated forebear, Microsoft Notepad, it still leaves a lot to the imagination when you’re hoping for good old regular Microsoft Word.

While I was typing away on this thing I realized there is a sort of zen-like simplicity to the program. It reminded me of the lofty ideals and love affairs riders have with their fixed-gear bikes. Commonly found under NYC’s bike messenger community, these stripped down versions of regular bikes get you from place to place literally without all the whistles, bells, extra gears and brakes.

As I worked my way through the test I found myself spellchecking my document like a 20th century caveman — manually. Even the formatting was as no-frills as it gets. But that’s exactly the point I suppose, everything you need, nothing you don’t. Minimalism?

The Raconteurs? The Mars Volta? Audioslave? Bad English? Journey? Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young? Cream?!

I’ve narrowed it down to two finalists.

You may think pitting legendary rock super-band Traveling Wilburys (featuring Bob Dylan, Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, George Harrison, and Roy Orbison) against Moulin Rouge!’s chart shattering soundtrack factory Lady Marmalade (featuring  Lil’ Kim, Pink, Mýa and Christina Aguilera) would be an unfair battle.

But where the lovely ladies of Pop excel in underwear-clad dancing, the aging minstrels of Classic Rock dominate in guitar strumming and facial hair growing. And similarly, I’m sure just as many young girls had posters of Roy Orbison on their wall when the Wilburys’ first album dropped as when Genie In A Bottle did, right?

The guy is back with this great feature in The New Yorker. It is excellent, you should read it.

The New Yorker: The Plan by Jack Handey  November, 24, 2008

If this part of the movie is really happening now, how long will it be before we get some pasty precogs figuring out who we’ll murder?

The geekiest wine ever via Gizmodo: “ Due to a new EU trade rule, wineries can’t use the word “port” on their label unless the wine was actually made in Portugal. California’s Peltier Station Winery, however, discovered (or should I say invented?) a loophole: they called their new dessert wine “USB” and put a tree with USB roots on the label. And that’s just the beginning of the geekery.

The label maker, 6 West Design, also reveals that the USB-tree on the front is composed of binary code that translates to “Peltier Station.” “